Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
