Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
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Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
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Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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