that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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