You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
