so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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