Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
