I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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