I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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