So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
