my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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