were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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