I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
