Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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