When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
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