Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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