I wish I only lived at night.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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