my computer doesn't work...
i puked on it last night
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen