had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
There's always time for handjobs
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable