Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
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He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You are the jesus of drinking
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor