i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole