he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
