Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Randomize
