why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
