YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
