he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
