when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize