It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
