i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
