Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
