At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
