I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
