you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
