I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
