I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
