okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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