she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
