She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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