I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
