is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
