I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
