I want to make a zoo with you.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
