This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
