You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
