I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
