I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize