with your own penis?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
