i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
