I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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