he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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