this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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