why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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