I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
