The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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