Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
