let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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