I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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