Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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