then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
