And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
