Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
