dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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