I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
