dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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