i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
