I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
