Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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