Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
