So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
