I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
