garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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