All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I got inside last night via doggy door
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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