I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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