Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
