Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
