i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
