i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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