In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
