Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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