For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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